Introducing The New Master of French Hip Hop

Love your life.—Henry David Thoreau

I like this Revver video. Once in a while I like to think. It’s a mood thing. Comes over me quick like a feral warehouse cat backed up into a corner. Lunges at me with claws and fangs out. Look close. You’ll see it.

The mood passes quickly and then I’m back to wanting to watch skateboarders fall off of roofs and pimply faced adolescents using their thousand dollar video equipment to shake their fists at “The Man” before mom calls them in for dinnertime, but in the meantime, videos like this are what I want to watch/ think about. They remind me of the frenetic tail chasing of Stirfry, my homeless attorney, Boneless Bob, Bossier Bill, Gordon The Hollywood Anarchist and the other concrete-crazed denizens of the factotum street who didn’t make it out like I did.

Tags: Revver, Thoreau, mood thing, music video, feral cat, like to think, skateboarders, pimply faced adolescents, funny videos, vlogging, homeless, The Man, my homeless attorney, Bossier, Hollywood, factotum, denizens, didn’t make it out, the street, jarvis

Cool Blogs, Vlogs and Vlogging

Strumpette
A VC
The Next Net
Successful Blog
Will Video for Food
Caffeine Marketing
Widgets Lab
Guerrilla Innovation.com
Marquisdejolie
No Mans Blog
Viral Garden
MicroPersuasion
Viralmeister
Social Media Optimization
Coolz0r
SEO Black Hat
Creative Think
Movie Marketing Madness
Blog Till You Drop!
Get Shouty!
One Reader at a Time
Critical Fluff
The New PR
Own Your Brand!
OTOInsights
bizandbuzz
Work, in Plain English
Buzz Canuck
New Millenium PR
Pardon My French
Troy Worman’s Blog
The Instigator Blog
AENDirect
Diva Marketing
Marketing Hipster
The Marketing Minute
Funny Business
The Frager Factor
Mindblob
Open The Dialogue
Word Sell
Note to CMO:
That’s Great Marketing!
Shotgun Marketing Blog
BrandSizzle
bizsolutionsplus
Customers Rock!
Being Peter Kim
Pow! Right Between The Eyes! Andy Nulman’s Blog About Surprise
Billions With Zero Knowledge
Working at Home on the Internet
MapleLeaf 2.0
darrenbarefoot.com
Two Hat Marketing
The Engaging Brand
The Branding Blog
CrapHammer
Drew’s Marketing Minute
Golden Practices
Viaspire
Tell Ten Friends
Flooring the Consumer
Kinetic Ideas
Unconventional Thinking
Buzzoodle
Conversation Agent
The Copywriting Maven
Hee-Haw Marketing
Scott Burkett’s Pothole on the Infobahn
Multi-Cult Classics
Logic + Emotion
Branding & Marketing
Popcorn n Roses
On Influence & Automation
Bullshitobserver
Servant of Chaos
converstations
eSoup
Presentation Zen
Dmitry Linkov
aialone
John Wagner
Nick Rice
CKs Blog
Design Sojourn
Frozen Puck
The Sartorialist
Small Surfaces
Africa Unchained
Perspective
gDiapers
Marketing Nirvana
Bob Sutton
¡Hola! Oi! Hi!
Shut Up and Drink the Kool-Aid!
Women, Art, Life: Weaving It All Together
Community Guy
Social Media on the fly
Jeremy Latham’s Blog
SMogger Social Media Blog
Masey.com

Tags: Revver, Strumpette, Willvideoforfood, caffeine marketing, widgets lab, guerilla innovation, no mans blog, viral garden, micropersuasion, viralmeister, coolz0r, creative think, movie marketing madness, blog till you drop, get shouty, one reader at a time, critical fluff, bizandbuzz, fantastic-machine, marquisdejolie, The instigator Blog, Diva Marketing, marketing hipster, funny business, fragerfactor, mindblob, beingpeterkim, billionswithzeroknowledge, darrenbarefoot, craphammer, kinesisinc, buzzoodle, heehawmarketing, pothole on the infobahn, multi-cult classics, popcornnroses, bullshitobserver, servantofchaos, eSoup, Presentation Zen, frozenpuck, shut up and drink the kool-aid

Dress For Success At The Day Labor Hall

The above video is a true story of my day labor hall “dress for success” experiences in Torrance, California.

Day labor halls are outfits like Manpower and Labor Ready who hire drunks, crack addicts and riffraff of every ilk (even unemployed movie extras!) to do menial labor for companies who want to pay bottom dollar for their crappiest tasks and the experience is sobbering.

Well, almost.

There is a day labor hall scene in “Factotum“, a film based on Charles Bukowski’s work, that touches on day labor. My own experiences were not so bad. I squeezed plastic bags of caramel for Starbucks as a day laborer. I unloaded truck trailers of window frames and swept construction sites.

My favorite Labor Ready assignment was driving repossessed cars at dealer-only auto auctions. Labor Ready paid top dollar ($8 an hour) for bums who still possessed a driver’s license AND showed up sober to drive or push the junkers up on to the auction blocks.

Plus I got to hear what used car dealers REALLY thought of their cars and their customers. When no one who could possibly be a customer is around, car salesmen talk like drunken sailors on shore leave. There’s a lot of sex talk and body parts in their frenzied pursuit of a f-buck.

Tags: Revver, day labor hall, Manpower, Labor ready, day labor, funny videos, true story, dress for success, homeless, Torrance, hire drunks, crack addicts, crackheads, alkies, wino, bum, riffraff, unemployed, movie extra, menial labor, pay bottom dollar, crappiest tasks, sobbering, showed up sobber, auction block, auto auction, car dealers, car salesman, drunken sailors on shore leave, Factotum, Starbucks, Charles Bukowski, jarvis, video blog, humor, sex talk, frenzied pursuit of a buck

Apprentice Belching

A video (click above) of my grandson Robert impressing me with his sidemouth belching prowess. I encourage this male behavior as a neccessary stage of growth. We’ll get into farting next year.

Tags: Revver, burp, burping, belch, belching, fart, farting, funny videos, childrearing, grandparents, sidemouth belch, impressing, male behavior, stage of growth, vlogging, video arcade, encouraging maleness, jarvis

A Hitchcockian View of Crack Motel Stooges

OFFLINE JOURNAL
Motel Marquis
Dept. of Little Humors

Every time I open my crack motel room door, it’s a pageant. Today was a bald headed deputy sheriff and a child services officer facing down a young man on the motel stairs. He was waving a clothes iron around (I think it was a Westinghouse Mark IV, 5 nozzle steadystream steamer. You hardly ever see those around here).

Yesterday it was child services officers doing a routine inspection of the usual suspects. Looking for child abusers, finding only dumpster divers, gypsy cabbies and subletting streetwalkers.

Do you remember those old Three Stooges chase scenes where you’re looking down a hallway at a bunch of doors? A stooge runs into one door at the end of the hallway and immediately runs out a closer door as the person chasing him runs in to a third door out of which the second stooge runs?

Well, my doorway view is like that. A sheriff runs into 213 while the perp tiptoes out 117, another deputy backs out of 204 while Killer and Cabbage Patch fade into 108.

In the midst of all this is my roommate screaming into the weak courtyard payphone trying to pick up a movie extra ‘rush job’, the man with the mutant belly button is walking his three coyotes, Margo and Marie are on the sidewalk trying to pick up construction worker tricks and the smoking fat man is standing in the doorway of 118, watching. Smoking and watching.

As John Pascucci writes in his “Manhunter” prologue (entitled “Let Me Tell My Story”) : “I know more about the world than most people do. At least, I know more about what’s commonly called ‘the real world.’ But I’m not bragging. I’m confessing. Knowledge never comes for free. It always comes at a price, and I paid too much. Far too often, the price I paid was hurting people, breaking laws, and looking too long at the dark side of life.”

What I’ve got here at the Motel Marquis, gentle reader, is an Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rear Window” view of a Three Stooges routine. Forgive me if I find little humors from my long look.

Tags: Revver, offline journal, crack motel, pagent, child services officer, funny videos, Westinghouse, the usual suspects, child abuse, dumpster diver, gypsy cab, subletting, street walkers, Hitchcock, Three Stooges, deputy sheriff, Cabbage Patch, movie extra, rush job, mutant, tricks, Pascucci, Manhunter, dark side of life, Motel Marquis, jarvis, marquisdejolie, viral video, internet video

Streetwalker Prostituting Milk Crates

OFFLINE JOURNAL
Motel Marquis
Dept. of Milk Crates

The storage place where I packratted my previous life sent me another rent increase letter. It was the second increase in 4 months. So I took my 14 milk crates full of school annuals, military photo albulms, corporate records and baby pictures out and stacked them up in my crack motel.

Milk crates are the best. One minute they’re shelves, the next minute they can be luggage. Or chairs. Or tables.

I am a little uneasy that I am now less mobile than I was a few months ago. A few months ago I could change residences in ten minutes. Twenty if I moved to another city. Lock, stock and barrel. Now with my milk crates ‘o plenty, it would take me two hours to move to another city. Packing and drive time included.

Tonight, I hired one of the streetwalkers who does business in front of my motel to hunt more milk crates for me. I offered her two bucks a crate after pricing inferior crates in the local discount stores at $6.99 apiece.

She’s already made $4 off me. I like to do business with local merchants when I can. You know, keep the money in the neighborhood.

Tags: offline journal, homeless, crack motel, pack rat, storage facility, rent increase, funny video, spoof, milk crates, mobility, streetwalker, local merchants, crack neighborhood, viral video, vlog, jarvis, vlogging, marquisdejolie, homelessness, factotum, Hollywood, weird video, tales of the street

The Pantiline Effect of Global Warming

(click picture)

Respected scientific organizations have stated that rising pantylines prove global warming is real and that people are causing it by driving big old pickups, eating hamburgers and cutting down forests.

The U.S. National Academy of Sciences, which in 2005 the White House called “the gold standard of objective scientific assessment,” issued a joint statement with 10 other National Academies of Treehugger Science saying “scientific understanding of climate change is now sufficiently clear to justify nations taking prompt action. It is vital that all nations identify cost-effective steps that they can take now, to contribute to substantial and long-term reduction in net global greenhouse gas emissions. Otherwise, unless drastic measures are taken within the next generation, we will all be wearing thongs.”

Tags: Revver, global warming, respected scientific organizations, panties, pantylines, big old pickups, U.S. National Academy of Sciences, White House, objective scientific assessment, joint, climate change, scientific understanding, greenhouse gas emissions, thongs, funny videos, vlogging, jarvis, wormhole video, viral video

The Need For Poopie Pants Guidelines

A video entitled “Girl Poops Pants“ has been featured on the “Most Viewed” page of my favorite revenue-sharing video site, Revver.com, for what feels like months now. It’s a video of some hapless starlet pooping her swimming trunks during the shooting of some sort of jaccuzi commercial.

It got over a million views.

Here I’ve been busting my hump making and uploading videos to Revver—poetry videos, humor videos, travel logs from the swamps of Caddo Lake to the heights of the Empire State Building in New York City—trying to get more than 50 views on any one of my videos and not succeeding very well.

Now I understand why. The American viewing public doesn’t want dry east Texas humor. They don’t want true tales of homelessness in Los Angeles or stories about driving call girls and strippers to their rich and famous customers.

No. They want poop.

Well okay then. I’ll give them poop. But how much poop? Where does one draw the line? At a weekend-in-Wazoo-city amount of poop or just a little bad broccoli poop? Discerning poop video producers need to know.

So I sent off the above video to Revver, asking for poopie pants guidelines. I eagerly await their response.

Tags: Revver, poop, poopie pants, pooping, guidelines, humor video, viral video, funny videos, girl poops pants, most viewed, revenue sharing video, a million views, uploading video, poetry, swamps, Caddo Lake, New York City, Empire State Building, American viewers, viewing public, video watchers, east Texas, dry humor, homeless, homelessness, Los Angeles, call girls, strippers, escorts, hooker, give them poop, Wazoo City, jarvis, vlogger, vlogging

Viral Video Genius Nalts

Quality is not an act. It is a habit. —Aristotle

It’s kind of fun to know, or at least be acquainted with, someone before they become famous.

Take Matt Drudge for instance. I met Matt Drudge before he became famous for ‘The Drudge Report‘, back when he was living two blocks north of Hollywood Boulevard in an old 1920’s New York-style rattrap 11 or 12 story apartment house right around the corner from Musso and Frank’s.

I think the address was 1944 Whitley Ave, but it’s been a while.

I met Matt through some friends of mine in the callgirl escort business: The Mad Turk and his dominatrix wife Sherry. They lived in the same rattrap, scary-assed single-occupant-elevatored apartment building. Just neighbors. As far as I know, Matt had no truck with escort agency callgirls.

Matt and I had moved to Los Angeles the same year. Matt, ten years younger than me, acted older, as if he was carrying more of the weight of the world on his shoulders than I was bearing. And that was true.

It IS fun to know, or at least be acquainted with, someone before they become famous. And I think I’ve met — over the internet — the next Matt Drudge, the Andy Warhol of viral video, the Einstein of online, the Feynman of fantasy: Kevin Naulty.

Matt, as you recall, started out with a little Hollywood insider’s gossip sheet which grew to a political gossip website which grew to a megawebsite and radio show. The Next Matt Drudge, Kevin Naulty of Pennsylvania (that’s him above), started out with a little blogsite ( Revverberation ) about making videos for a little-known internet video site still in beta mode called Revver.

From that, Kevin expanded to a seriously informative blogsite “dedicated to helping video junkies make better viral videos, earn a side income on them, and stay current on the rapidly changing landscape of online video sites, tools and software.”

Then Kevin exploded on YouTube and got the big head (see video above). But it’s okay because Kevin throws me a bone now and again. You see, I got tangled up in this viral video mess, too.

Kevin is, as Matt was, on the cutting edge of a burgeoning trend. Kevin could blow up to be king of the viral video-producing community just like Matt blew up to be the king of political gossip. They even look a little bit alike.

Then I can say,” I knew him when…”

Tags: Revver, quality is not an act, Aristotle, become famous, Matt Drudge, The Drudge Report, Hollywood, Hollywood Boulevard, New York style, rattrap, Musso and Franks, Whitley Avenue, The Mad Turk, dominatrix, escort agency, callgirls, strippers, hookers, Andy Warhol, Einstein, Richard Feynman, Kevin Naulty, Nalts, Hollywood insider gossip, gossip website, political gossip, revverberation, blogsite, viral video, funny videos, genuis video, video community, vlogger, vlog, vlogging, video arcade, changing landscape, online video sites, tools, software, YouTube, jarvis, marquisdejolie

Nuts For USB

Have you ever considered having your testicles surgically removed and replaced with a USB connection?

No?

Then I guess you really can’t call yourself a true nerd.

As for me, I’ll pass. My crotch is the last place I want to have to worry about bugs, software or not.

Tags: YouTube, USB, testicles, surgery, USB connection, nerd, software bugs, crotch, nuts, jarvis, marquisdejolie, viral video, funny videos