Tush Bait I Have Known


The following is a call girl internet ad a friend brought to my attention. It’s not a typical ad in that it’s a bit long-winded. Very long-winded. Most call girls just want a sentence that included the words “exotic”, “generous gentlemen” and “discrete” in them. My friend thinks this girl may have just copied the personality traits section of an astrology book on her own sign to appear more intelligent. Men pay more for the APPEARANCE of intelligence.

Back when I drove The Russian to her call girl appointments, she used to have me edit the internet ads for her escort services that her fiancee had helped her write. The Russian was a ‘generous gentlemen’ kind of huckster.

A stunning, exotic and very erotic beauty of French and Italian descent. Meticulously polished from head to toe. A small framed, well defined, bronzed centerfold body. Size 2. 34D-24-34. 115lbs. Big mysterious brown eyes. Long silky dark brown hair, pouty full lips and a white smile that is sure to brighten your day. Gabrielle is seductive and elegant, articulate and sexy and very sophisticated. This rare gem has savior-faire. She will fascinate you on all levels! Wonderfully predictable yet unpredictably wonderful. Gabrielle expects uncompromising quality in all areas of her life. She is NOT affiliated with any agency, nor does she provide any illegal services. Gabrielle is a very selective lady who possesses world class. Offering personalized companionship EXCLUSIVELY to a VERY SELECT FEW EXTREMELY GENEROUS GENTLEMEN who appreciate unparalleled quality in all areas of their lives.

As a man who has had at the least a fiduciary relationship with over 100 call girls, let me decode some of this for you:

A stunning, exotic and very erotic beauty of French and Italian descent.
A mutt of unknown extractions. I drove a Jewish call girl once on a night when the escort agency she worked for was short-handed. On her first call to a john on Greenfield Street, she told the guy she was Jewish. After that call we went on another call to Santa Monica, then the escort agency madam told us that my call girl needed to go back to the guy on Greenfield, but this time as an Hispanic. The guy was drunk enough to believe she was Jewish/Hispanic. After that we went to a call in Beverly Hills. Then we get a call to go back to the guy on greenfield, this time as an Asian (the guy was binging, apparently). So she goes back and tells the guy she’s half Filapino, too. Strangely enough, the call wasn’t cancelled like I’d thought it would be. Moral of the story: Horny guys are extremely gullible.

Meticulously polished from head to toe.
Willing to go that extra mile that other girls won’t go by taking a shower, or at least a sponge bath, between customers.

A small framed, well defined, bronzed centerfold body.
Skinny. Emaciated by coke, crack, glass or ice. You can see why a cracked glass of iced coke might send me into gypsy cabbie flashbacks.

34D-24-34
Haven’t saved up enough money for the boob job yet.

Big mysterious brown eyes.
Will arrive at your door high.

Long silky dark brown hair, pouty full lips and a white smile that is sure to brighten your day.
Brushes her teeth, too.

Gabrielle is seductive and elegant, articulate and sexy and very sophisticated.
At age 28, just got her G.E.D. and has been taken out to some nice restaurants. The girls I drove always wanted the richer clients to take them out to a fancy restaurant so they could add “sophisticated” to their resumes.

She will fascinate you on all levels!
Once she gets in your house and starts ooooohing and aaaaahing over your fake impressionist prints and fawning over your big screen tv and indoor plumbing, you’ll wonder what the hell you’ve let yourself in for.

Gabrielle expects uncompromising quality in all areas of her life.
She wants her money up front. All of it, buster.

She is NOT affiliated with any agency, nor does she provide any illegal services.
She works for an agency, her driver is just on the other side of the door listening for trouble and she’ll do you for a $200 tip (half do you for $100 extra).

Gabrielle is a very selective lady who possesses world class.
She won’t do very extremely ugly men with warts and skin lessions and can spot a cop a mile away.

Offering personalized companionship EXCLUSIVELY to a VERY SELECT FEW EXTREMELY GENEROUS GENTLEMEN who appreciate unparalleled quality in all areas of their lives.
Serving rich losers everywhere . . . sort of a ‘Have Gun, Will Travel’ mentality.

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