Hunting The Yankee Waddler

Tags: deer season, duck season, Yankee Waddler, factotum, fearmongering, media, viral video, hysterics, gun control, jarvis
Hunting The Yankee Waddlerby Jolie Blond03/21/01
Hysterics and fearmongering!Hysterics and fearmongering!The TV peopledon’t want you to own a gun,because if you look too closelyat the fall lineup,you might be tempted to drive over to the stationand shoot them.
I saw this on [...]

Tags: ragtopped, Mongoose, impeccable, gung foo, gangbanger, ho, hoes, big assed, crackheads, passing through, factotum, viral video, jarvis, prose, marquisdejolie, sheriff, glass pipe, crack, crack motel, tweeker
Holding Back A Big-Assed, Angry Tigressby Jolie Blond02/12/02
I heard screaming outside my crack motel room doorand poked my head outand saw that seven or eight other motel inmateshad poked [...]

Green Thoughts And Spam

Tags: Stupidity Scholarship, placement exam, ECC, TSTC, St. Mary’s, factotum, jarvis, viral video, nontraditional student, marquisdejolie, moron, idiot, pinhead, roommate, anaclitic, androgalactozemia, blowze, bromidrosiphobia, coprophagousGreen Thoughts And Spamby Jolie Blond08/09/01
My roommate got aStupidity Scholarshipfrom our community collegebecause he made terrible gradeson his placement exams.
My roommate doesn’t think wellunder pressure,it is a factthey surely measured.
He doesn’t [...]

FLYING STOOPID

Tags: scientific proof, flying stupid, brain mass, brain drain, brain shrinkage, factotum, viral video, jarvis, marquisdejolie, evidence, treadmills, SUV, cell phoneys, cell phone, demographics
FLYING STOOPIDby Jolie Blond05/21/01
Finally,I have scientific proof!I KNEW all those peoplerunning on treadmillsearly in the morningwere losing brain mass!I knew it!Now I have proof.
It was on the news last night."Frequent flyingcauses your [...]

Homeless Prose About How Homeless Goes

Tags: Gray Man, factotum, homeless, car dweller, street life, viral video, jarvis, poetry, invisible man, mumblecrust
Gray Manby Jolie Blond08/04/01
Gray man,got no place to stay man:sleeping in a piss-yellow Fairlaneparked in front of a motelon Crenshaw Blvdat 4 in the morning.
Gray man,got no place to stay man:you gotta move that piece of crapin a few hours.Nobody [...]

A Quiet Afternoon With Lenin and Jill Scott

Tags: V.I. Lenin, The Denniker Code, tweeker, my homeless attorney, homeless shelter, factotum, pulp fiction, jarvis, veterans shelter, bumfighting, Ant, Jill Scott, U.S. Vets
There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.—Euripides
    The old man, my homeless attorney, is sitting up here in my homeless veteran’s dorm room, reading [...]

The Man Whose Breath Stood Still

Tags: stink, stench, honey bucket, reak, foul odor, effluvium, factotum, jarvis, huskanoy, viral video, spraints, fodder, spuddle, pilgarlic, mab, monkeybreath, Arco, Arcology, Arconians
Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others. —Robert Louis Stevenson
    A man walked into the Arco the other day. He was dressed all in black like a wild west [...]

Bad-Ass, Motherf*er Faces The White Rhino

Tags: badass, chollo, Arco, Allah, Arcology, gas station, streetwalker, viral video, fight club, factotum, torso, jarvis, White Rhino, Ironweed, ghetto
To turn an obstacle to one’s advantage is a great step towards victory. —French proverb
            I was just getting off a three-hour shift of humping beer for Arco. Co-worker Allah was just getting off his eight-hour [...]

My REAL Resume

Tags: stock boy, day laborer, gypsy cabbie, CEO, COO, computer consultant, pimp, loan shark, enforcer, bag man, security guard, bodyguard, aircraft mechanic, mailhandler, civil service fencepost inspector, engineer, graphic artist, factotum, magazine editor, newspaper editor, international foreign war correspondant, photographer, soldier, subcontractor, brick jiggerer, milk jugger, pre-press operator, cameraman, slumlord, cartoonist, columnist, publisher, pollster, speechwriter, [...]

Nothing You Do Is Ordinary, Even If You’re Just Pumping Gas

Tags: inspection, corporate headquarters, Arco, gas station, Arcology, Arconians, factotum, tattered jeans, jarvis, inspectors, contempt, viral video, marquisdejolie
To most of us the real life is the life we do not lead. —Oscar Wilde
    There’s a U.S. Air Force recruitment commercial running on TV here that shows an Air Force mid-air plane-to-plane refueling going on while [...]