Mr Creepy Fondles The Soap

 

Mr. Creepy, the only movie extra in “Volcano” to be attacked by all the other extras (including one attempt on his life by an extra driving a movie police car) has been diligently (albeit unconsciously) working on losing me my ‘preferred customer’ discount at The Patio Inn crack motel.

Creepacisms 7 : Creepy Blacks Out

Apparently all the hoohaw about the California energy crisis has seeped into Creepy’s consciousness.
Early this morning I was at my laptop playing SimCity. The ceiling fan was whirling, the ceiling fan light was on, the floor fan was on high, my 4-foot tall ionic air cleaner was making its loud white noise and the refrigerator [...]

Creepacisms 9: Uncle Teddy Died Rather Frequently

My crack motel roommate Creepy, a 54 year-old homeless movie extra I saved from the street, says some funny shit. He doesn’t mean to, but it comes out funny. So I send out some of the things he has said to me as “Creepacisms”. Here is one of them:
“Did I ever tell you about seeing [...]

Trying To Think In Russian About My Own Runaway Train

by Jolie Blond
02/09/02
Watching Andrew Tarchovski's art film,
a dark film,
in Russian, with English subtitles,
a film that looks like there was no money in the budget
for a light man,
a film about gray people standing around in the dark
talking about the virtues of grief
and the hopelessness of hope . . .
good grief, this movie is not film noir;
it's [...]

Tush Bait I Have Known

The following is a call girl internet ad a friend brought to my attention. It’s not a typical ad in that it’s a bit long-winded. Very long-winded. Most call girls just want a sentence that included the words “exotic”, “generous gentlemen” and “discrete” in them. My friend thinks this [...]

Where Will All The Vietnamese Cat Killers And Orange-Headed Crackheads Go?

by Jolie Blond
02/18/02
Construction workers arrived at the
vacant Voodoo Lot
next door to my crack motel
early this morning
to rebuild the emaciated chain link fence
that never succeeded
in keeping anyone out
or anything in.
Kimmee, the Arco manager,
tells me that the lot’s owner
(same guy who owns the adjoining Arco gas station)
has rented the lot out
to some construction company
that wants to park [...]

Search Anything, Anywhere?

Wittgenstein’s Freight Train

The Cambridge philosopher Wittgenstein, mad monastic gardener, tells me to hurry up and get out of the philosophy of interpersonal gasoline transactions and grab the next freight train out of here for my next adventures in hobodom. I do so enjoy my adventures in hobodom.
He also said about a lifestyle critic (paraphrased [...]

Would You Like Manure With That?

Factory Fresh With That Down Home Industrial Taste
I heard on the radio the other night that the Bush administration is trying to change the occupational classification of burger flipping at Fatburger and order taking at MacDonaldÕs from being counted as service occupations to being called manufacturing jobs.
[...]

Measuring The Night In Sanctuary

by Jolie Blond
02/24/04
I am holed up
in my homeless veterans’ shelter dorm room
like a bank robber.
Here I sit
in my seedy warehouse district hideout
as if on the lam from the cops.
There should be the flashing neon lights
of an across-the-street all night diner
blinking into my fourth floor window,
but there’s not.
Across the street from my window
is a trucking warehouse
and [...]